In cinema, the threat of the apocalypse usually occurs in Los Angeles, New York City, or any major city with a significant population to decimate. In the newly released film Legion, directed by Scott Stewart, the apocalypse threatens a rinky-dink diner in the Mojave Desert. At this 50’s inspired time warp in the middle of nowhere, average individuals brought together by chance have to rely on their wits and each other against a legion of angels, in order to protect a young girl pregnant with humanity’s last hope of survival. On their side is the vigilante Archangel Michael, played by Paul Bettany, who disagrees with God’s order to destroy humanity by possessing them with angels to destroy themselves and each other. It is up to Michael and the rest to restore a disenchanted God with faith in humanity once again.

I watched Legion because I knew that it would attract college-age viewers (it is rated R after all). And I’ll admit the artsy poster of the ripped and tattooed Paul Bettany caught my eye, looking into the heavens with a dagger and gun in hand, his steel-cut wings spread across his shirtless torso. But then I saw the trailer, in it’s attempt to portray comically a possessed grandmother climbing around eating people, and I knew not to judge a film by its poster.

Despite a decent cast, such as Dennis Quaid, Paul Bettany, and Lucas Black (The Fast and the Furious, Friday Night Lights, Sling Blade), the acting flopped on screen like a fish out of water. The dialogue was weak at best, and made the film drag until more possessed people came screeching and biting into the scene. Despite a desert location, Lucas Black couldn’t shake off an unnecessary southern accent. Not even Dennis Quaid’s lofty soliloquies about life and hard knocks, or Bettany’s epic professions of faith could keep my interest. The characters had predictable “quirky” traits: the thug with a heart of gold, a one-armed frycook, a non-smoker who picks up smoking for the end of the world, and a good ol’ boy who just wants to be a hero. And let’s not forget the teenage pregnant-and-smoking character.

The plot development was as predictable as its characters. There wasn’t a moment when a pseudo-zombied night-creeper didn’t jump through a window, or dupe a trusting character who we knew would probably die anyway. It also was no surprise that the Archangel Gabriel would turn out to be the bad guy, while the ending resonated of the Terminator films. It wasn’t scary, it wasn’t shocking, and I wasn’t surprised.

The overall premise wasn’t bad: God loses faith in humanity, and just as we need faith in Him, he needs faith in us. Sounds good, in theory. However, the follow-through of this idea on film was sloppy. I thought the film tried too hard to balance comic horror with an epic message, and the transition between the two was jarring. The popularity of apocalypse films could have been its undoing, with a diluted and average result. I rate Legion a two out of five.